the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
