I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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