why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
