You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
