I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
