is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
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I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
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Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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