ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
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After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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