Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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