everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
