so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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