If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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