is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
