I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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