You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
