We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My vagina is very pro this idea
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
