Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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