your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
