Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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