im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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