if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
