and i looked up. we had an audience...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
