please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
