We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
