Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How's work?
Spinning.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
