he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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