It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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