is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
