Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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