SEEEEXXX PLEASE
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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