Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
