It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
whose ass print is on the piano?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
