you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
