i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
