Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
