Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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