Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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