why didn't you poke me back
there was a trapeze. enough said
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
