So drunk, too bad you don't want this
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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