yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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