just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
