you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
