I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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