Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
