i don't plan on having that self control this summer
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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