areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
