Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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