You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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