p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
