just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
