At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
