is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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