A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM