I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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