sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.