Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.