this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
