i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
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We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"