Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
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i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.