i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
