i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.