Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
