She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
