I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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