Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
