My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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