imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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