Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
