Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
