my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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