I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
