My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
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He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
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We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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