I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
