i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
