he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
