thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
