I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
