I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
