I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
