so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
false alarm, still single
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
