Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
